Wednesday, March 17, 2010

P.S. I Love You, Dad

Dear Dad,

I remember the time I was still a baby. You would cuddle me up in your arms and sing me a lullaby. I couldn't remember we had to walk miles from home to anywhere; I only remember you sang us Little Ducklings. I couldn't remember we had to turn off the lights at night; you would read us stories. Sister was your Little Princess, I was your Little Cinderella.

You had never canned me, I realized. I could still remember how Sister was running like a wild goose. Except that one time when I refused to brush my teeth, you threw your boots at me. My arms were bruised. I still wonder what enraged you.
Life was tough when the family owned a few more cars. You smoked, you drank and you gambled. I almost believed that life was a gamble. Those 'unowned money' could possibly be in my wallet the next day... only if, I was willing to place my bet. Those were lies you still believe in.
I prayed hard, hoping you would change. You stopped smoking. And, you started to keep your hair short, like a real father. You started to go to church. Yet, there were still plenty of things unchanged. You were a hypocrite, complaining about my mum, about my sister, about my brother. I prayed for a bigger change.
I love you, Dad. But I find it harder and harder to talk to you everyday. I love you, Dad. But I was so angry... so angry that you couldn't keep the family at your hands. You refused to work. You spent your day on unfruitful online games. And, you complained about my mum. But you were a hypocrite.
I love you, Dad. Help me, Dad, to trust in you once more.
Your Daughter